Moving: … and that you are doing your best. Part 2/2

_______________ YOUR REASONS _______________

Now, I believe there are three categories of reasons why you aren’t living the life you dreamt of when you were younger: Go on, take that piece of paper, draw two lines and do it with me!

REASON 1: You are no superhuman.

Between the ages you start being able to dream about your ideal future and now, LIFE HAPPENS. This might not sound like the news of the century but it’s good to be reminded of this. We evolve in a society where you’re being made to think that everyone has it all figured out; and that “life doesn’t happen to you, you make it happen for you”. Bullshit. We are no Marvel Superheroes – who’s seen Endgame??– we are just mere humans, and we are no match to nature and time. That’s the harsh truth. Don’t get me wrong, we can, have done and will do some incredible things; but sometimes life just happens and you just have to deal with it with no other choice: these are all reasons out of your control.

To me, my main reason was my dad falling ill a bit more than 3 years ago now. I had been focusing a lot on myself until that point and this just happened. One of those things you cannot control but that puts life into a whole new perspective. I stopped thinking about myself as much; putting career, dreams and other plans to the side for a more pressing matter let’s say. Not saying everyone should do that, and this is for another discussion but this a prime example of a life event that you just cannot control.

From what I have noticed, most times, these events will come with “side effects” which also won’t necessarily be in your control like it did for me with mental health “demons”. I believe it’s good to link all these issues together to find the source of them and start a way towards a better, stronger version of yourself.

Exercise: Just try and pin point the time where you thought your life was going great/not so bad – if there was any – or the moment you were most focused about your future dreams; personal or professional. Got it? Now, think of what happened between that point in time and the moment you think things started to go south. Was it anything to do with life itself leaving you powerless in front of it?

I truly hope that you aren’t in a situation where you have had a whole lot of LIFE just happen to you; but if you have, please know that I am happy to talk it through with you; and help as much as I can. After all, we’re all in this “life thing” together!

REASON 2: You are yet to be the master of your own flaws.

Sadly, we are all born pretty close to perfect as we know, do and think nothing; and then society, education and feelings happen. As we grow older, we all develop many strengths which set us apart from one another, but also weaknesses and flaws.

FLAW DEFINITION:

Noun: “a fault or weakness in a person’s character.”

Verb: “mar, weaken, or invalidate (something).”

Flaws annoy the crap out of me and fascinate me at the same time. I believe they can be your greatest asset or your worse enemy in life; you just have to work on conquering or owning them. But first you have to be aware of them! What would you say your biggest flaws are?

Here is the non-exhaustive list of my ones and how I believe they are standing in the way between “Now-Alix” and “Superstar-Alix”:

• Procrastination is my middle name – I have always left things last minute. It’s like I hate starting something unless I have no other choice but to do so; even the things I enjoy doing for some reason. This is something that has proven to be really good as I never really spent too much time reviewing lessons before exams, and somehow ended up with decent grades; however, when it’s about going to the gym – even though I love it- or doing things that are good for me like writing a blog post, doing laundry… I am THE BEST at making up excuses and talking myself out of doing them. I have considerably become better at this, as now my sink doesn’t necessarily overflow with dishes every other day, but there is plenty of room for improvement!
• My self-esteem is sad – I don’t think I ever felt like I was quite measuring up to the expectations that people had for me. I have always been really hard and demanding with others, but even more so with myself. I don’t think I ever quite understood and accepted how I could be quite good at a lot of things, but never amazing at anything. I tend to try and convince myself of all the reasons why I would suck at something, before I actually try. I just don’t believe I have anything special about me; even though I am convinced I am meant to do great things – paradoxical much?
• Food has become my best frenemy – My relationship with food has always been kind of weird. Growing up an only-child with really hardworking parents, I spent more than one evening making food and eating by myself; and I LOVED it. I always took this time to recharge my batteries and do things for ME. I am an extrovert, I love being with people but it does drain me! However, food then became a refuge when I was feeling down or something was wrong – why didn’t I choose to do push-ups instead…- and that’s where it just doesn’t work. I think food has just always been my safe place, and I find myself going back to it every time I feel somewhat threatened.
• I have a hard time finishing what I start – If it was only down to me, I probably would have started 5 different companies, bought 10 houses to do-up, wrote 3 posts on my 5 different blogs and all of them would be completely abandoned by now because I would be in New-Zealand raising sheep. I get bored really easily and quickly, I always have! I love figuring out things, starting them but finishing just isn’t my strong point. I guess it all links with my first two points where I would start something then procrastinate to continue, and by the time I am ready to start again, I would have convinced myself of all the reasons why it won’t work. If that’s not a vicious circle…  

Believe this or not, writing this down and coming back to this – many, MANY times…– before actually posting this, has actually helped me realize how my reasons for standing in the way of a better me are all linked; would this mean that if I work very hard on one, the others will follow? Stay tuned!!

Exercise: Just imagine and view yourself as one of the person you love the most in your life. What would you tell YOU? What would you have YOU do? Write it down and read it to yourself every morning until you start hearing yourself.

REASON 3: Only fools never change

As you grow up, you get to meet all kinds of different people; people living a life that you might not even have thought existed. I hope through work, activities, travels or any other way, you have actually met people that have challenged what you thought a “normal” life should be like. Some of you might have been comforted in their thought that “YES, I do want a one bedroom flat and a chihuaha in Central London” and that’s amazing! But others like me, you have probably been challenged in thinking that you don’t have to live your life a certain way and that there actually is NO NORMAL. The 12 year-old you is suddenly waking up again and adjusting how he/she thought life was possible back then to what he knows is possible now: therefore you’re lost and that’s ok, it’s just a matter of time.

_________ YOUR POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS _________

Now, did you listen to me and wrote it all on a piece of paper? If you have, genuine well-done! If you haven’t… well, I know I wouldn’t have either. But hopefully you took a bit of time to reflect over all those reasons and you are ready to work on yourself like I am. I just want to try and transform all these negative reasons into positive affirmations – apparently they are “a thing”; so let’s try it:

1. I AM no a super human:  I now understand what life cards I got handed and the attitude I had towards them all up to this point. I am conscious that at every moment, I took what I believed were the best decisions to face those problems. I now fully accept where this has lead my life, I forgive myself or others but I do not ever forget. And like they say about the great city of NYC: If I made it – up to – here, I can make it anywhere! 
2. You CAN BE are yet to be the master of your own flaws: I am now more aware of my own flaws holding me back. I understand that I am cheating myself of a better tomorrow by letting them control me. I am worth way more than I let myself be; and I promise to make a conscious daily effort towards becoming a better version of myself.
3. Only fools DO never change: I now have the freedom to make a change in my life whenever I deem necessary. I now believe there is no NORMAL way of life to conform myself to, as long as I respect the earth and all beings living on it; and that the only right way to live my life is the one I choose for myself.

I hope this post makes sense – after reading it so many times, I’m not even sure it does to me! haha. Please don’t hesitate to share your flaws, your positive affirmations or anything with me. I would love for this blog to become a safe haven, and to be a little ray of sunshine in this cold and beautiful world…!

After all, remember: We’re all in this “life thing” together! 😀

Your girl, A.