Dear Diary: I suck at blogging

“Dear Alix, you really do suck at blogging.

Kind Regards,

Alix”

In all seriousness guys, I am sorry I have been really bad at consistently uploading on this blog. But, am I surprised? No.

Why? Because, I am just really bad at sticking to something for a long period of time, unless I make it an obligation.

Why?  Because life is so busy right now, I have no time for myself – haha, this is a lie and you know it. Ok, because I am lazy and I get bored easily!

Why? Because I have anxiety and…. – are you just looking for an excuse? Probably.

This is my brain’s scenario every time I am about to do something meaningful and I don’t start acting on it within 5 seconds. I have been finding it so easy to come up with excuses not to show up for myself these past few months, it’s actually getting quite sad. Don’t get me wrong, life has been rough. Between hospital days for my dad, a trip to the ER, sleepless nights, my mum being exhausted and me trying to balance out my mental health, looking after my parents and the pressure of not having a job but feeling like I have 5 – and also feeling so incredibly tired – it’s been SHIT.

*BREAKING NEWS: I am finding it really hard to write this post as my mind keeps going in a hundred different directions, and I can’t focus! PS: It’s sunny and beautiful outside – look up people!*

But I have had a sudden realization when in hospital for my dad: It could be so much worse – no shit Sherlock…! This may seem ridiculous to some of you, but when dealing with mental health demons, you tend to think that you have it worse than a lot of people, when in fact you are purely overthinking everything way too much. To me, consciousness and acceptance are the first steps towards healing:

I accept that I have been struggling and not showing up for myself;

I am conscious this is a problem, and I am now addressing it.

Watch me heal.

But to get back on track with the topic, I am tired of feeling sorry for myself and finding excuses not to live to my fullest potential, so I am making a conscious effort to change. I can’t say I will win every time, no one does, especially against themselves; but acting towards your goals definitely brings you closer than just contemplating them!

Since starting this blog, I have received quite a few messages from different people encouraging me to keep writing, and that my story resonates with them. This reminded me why I started in the first place, and it feels good to know that I am already touching a few minds… To these people, know that you have been more important to me than I believe I ever could have been for you and I thank you!

See you very soon on my next post and thank you for sticking around!

__________________________________________

Mental Health Fun Fact: I forgot my headphones when I went back to London for a couple days, so I had to buy really cheap – shit- earphones at the duty free. I usually have them on all the time if I am travelling or going somewhere crowded by myself. This made me realize that I have much more crowd anxiety than I thought – YAY for anxiety!  So… tip of the day: If you also struggle in big busy populated places by yourself, get some headphones!

Your girl. A.

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